Well, these past few days sucked. The weather sucked with it. It’s bad to keep my emotions in so here we go again. I hate my mood changes, I hate that I keep everything in. I hate that I’d rather write everything on here than telling my friends my problems. But of course I’m a big loser. This is completely new to me. I don’t know why this is happening. This is just so weird. Why do I strive for your attention? I just start yelling at myself in my head whenever I get really mad. I punish myself for doing something wrong. This isn’t fair. It’s probably because I’m not making it fair. I shouldn’t be doing this. But I cant help it. It’s hard. Too hard to control.
Oh god, After I wrote the title of this post, I totally just thought dirty. But no, this is not a dirty post! Ha. So let’s begin. It’s hard for me to get mad at people. I like being happy. I like playing jokes and being somewhat annoying. I don’t like holding grudges. But with you it’s an exception. It’s hard for me to really hate someone and just wish the worst for them. I don’t think I have ever hated someone more than I do to you. It’s not like me to say much about people who just disrespect me. I usually shrug things off quickly, but if things are constantly Karma is a bitch. I said it. It sure is. Hope you suffer from everything you’ve done to me. You’ve not crossed the line, but you dove across it.
Since I know I have so much time before I actually go to sleep because I’m too jittery I’ll just vent for a bit. Today was awesome. End of story. Homecoming, my performance on the field, It was fantasmic. Ha, reference to last year. Sucks thought. So much drama. This is why I separate myself from the band. Why I never really hang out with the band kids. Okay enough of that before I get in trouble with someone reading this and telling on me, again. Hint. But yeah. Today I got so many statements of liking me homecoming date. No guys, I don’t like anyone. I have no need or want to right now. I like him. Just as a friend. I just don’t like when people ask me that. It annoys me. So stoked for tomorrow. I can’t wait. Getting ready to get faded during competition and homecoming. I love this part of the season. The feeling of getting something, so big, accomplished. I love the feeling of walking off that field and gasping for air. It’s so…ugh. It’s hard to explain. I love music. I love playing it. It’s just I’d rather just play on my own. Funny thing is, I don’t even do that. Ha. & I’ve always said I’d quit sophomore year. I guess it’s just band’s a part of me. I’ve been doing it for 8 years. It’s half my life. Quitting now would be just a waste.